Real Talk with Dr Nelly Farnoody Zahiri
Do you have certain principles you live by?
Dr. Nelly is a guest on Real Talk with Liza. Topics include the ongoing crisis in Iran and all over the world about women’s equality, women’s issues, and violence against women.
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Transcript of Real Talk with Dr Nelly Farnoody Zahiri
Welcome to Heal Talk Tuesday Where transformation begins as we Evoke Embrace and Evolve Greetings greetings greetings and welcome to Heal Talk Tuesday’s this is Liza. It’s so good to be here with you isn’t it? Wow I am so honored and happy to share with you my featured guest today my friend Dr Nelly Farnoody-Zahiri and I’d like to introduce you and first. Hi, Nelly Jun Alright. Dr. Nellie is a licensed clinical psychologist with more than twenty years experience serving the Iranian American community locally and globally. She’s the executive director of the Global Education Institute. And the author of Peace Parenting Essentials as and s e l a parenting a curriculum a keynote speaker. And school mental health advocate for multi. Multi-cultural families in her community. Doctor Nellie is also the founder of Multimedia International Center for Peace Learning. As she has been not only a keynote speaker she’s done podcast she had her own show and done a lot of conscious a parenting. So doctor Nellie says. What makes me. Is that I’m a first generation immigrant from Iran. Born in Kansas and raised in California and I like to say I was born in Iran and grew up here in California as well so doctor Nellie a welcome to the Real Talk show with Liza. Thank you so much Liza it’s an honor to be. On HealWithin. Like talk with you and what. Important time in history to have these conversations today so thank you I believe this is my first talk. Since the women’s revolution any Iran so I’m honored to. Get real and core my heart out. Exactly. Well for those who are not familiar I’d like to. Share just a little that. It’s been four weeks now. About the world has been witnessing this incredible courage of women especially women from Iran. As the brutal killing. After the brutal killing of master a meanie. And for those who don’t know it was on September sixteen two dollars and twenty two. Massa Emini a twenty two year old. Woman from a soccer is a in. Iran’s Providence which is the Kyrgyzstan Providence. Died in a Tehran hospital. Three days earlier she had been arrested by Iran gardens it’s a patrol or what we call morality police and for wearing her her job. Improperly that fell off her head and. After the beating in the. In the car she was beaten inside the police Van and. Taking her to to the detention center. So in a way the protests are different because her death. Has started a rally around the world not only in Iran as so many women have. Stood up and they’re speaking. It’s brought the people across the country together but this time. It’s all the young women and someone in the prison radio station manager and they were saying. That these are most of the girls. Grew up in this regime and now it is this. The movement has become globally I mean we’re seeing them stand up in all over the country Nelly, let’s talk about Zion. Zindagi oddity. That’s right. Women life freedom. Correct that seems to be one of the young. Women and men. In Iran are seeking. It’s hard to have a conversation about this. Without getting emotional. And it’s been really hard for me to even find the courage. To get on camera about this. And so bear with me. As I do my best best to. Try and say and my piece and. To to let you know what what’s been happening on my end at least you know here in the United States in Los Angeles. Amongst and you know some of my clients families that I work with my own family my own daughters and son and husband and so forth so. You’re right this apprise has been one that has touched many many souls and many many different profound ways and it is a revolution. We are in the midst of one of the first women’s revolution in the history. Of the world. And so. And to reflect on dogs it takes. A minute for women. All over the world as well as men who who have been thirsty for. Equal rights. Equality equanimity and to to to be able to take those right steps towards bringing more justice. And and and just a continuation of the me too movement that we witnessed. A couple of years the ago I think. We’re seeing a sort of this evolution this full circle. Women in Iran with this very rich heritage for. Knowing what a piece really is. Because as. You know some of your viewers are familiar with and maybe some are not Cyrus sill lender is the very first declaration of human rights. Which sits at the UN currently. And and that’s you know the reason why the name Cyrus is very popular around the world nowadays. And and. I I think we honor that type of leadership when the focus of leadership is to bring equality to the people. Of nations and but back to women’s revolution and and their intense the these young ladies these young brave courageous women. Who are on the streets. Fighting and giving their lives. Fearlessly. Exists. So encouraging and at the same time heartbreaking because. These young girls they could be my daughter my daughter just turned fifteen yesterday. And she and. Has been asking questions it’s about this this revolution and she wants to know. Why is the government. The the people who are. In power. To protect. To serve. To bring peace and justice to a country why. Are they killing these innocent young women. Who are asking for. Freedom. Or freedom of expression. And and. It’s hard it’s hard to. Digest that you know and so many different levels I think. Inner generationally in are culturally I think. As. As we reflect on what Are the needs of the young women today and Iran. Their basic needs. They just want to have options and choice to choose. You know do I. Want to cover my head what do I want to where you know the the her job. Or not or can I choose not to. And that’s the basic human right you know I I think we saw with. You know and. The athlete who competed. The the rock climber athletes oh that’s right. Yeah I can’t think of her name but I saw post son her. She. Decided to compete. Without the her job the. Yeah and she was greeted with such tremendous love. Admiration and respect early morning when she returned back to Iran. And so the the young Jr generation is asking. The government to create space so that bacon have. This freedom of expression they can have voice. This choice. So. You know what we can do. And is for you know that the women and men who are out and not fighting on the streets is to raise awareness to reach out to people influential people people in power to to make those calls you know I think. We come from a place in the the. Opportunities the Liberty and democracy. Is vast so. If you have the option or opportunity to raise awareness to talk to speak to to make. Certain decisions that will bring more justice and peace for those who. Don’t have a voice can’t waster opinion that I think it’s your social duty and responsibility to do so and so you’re doing this and and so are millions and millions of. Influencers and people and media and a lot of people with big voices have. Done this continuously. So I hope it continues I hope it’s. Going to to take over the world until those. Are freedom. Well you know for so many. We come from our our heritage is Iranian we come from that country and. For those who don’t know I mean it’s like they’re surprised that of how is this happening thinking that Iran is such a repressed that can entry or. Like someone even sad. Or. This is. It is not understanding our culture that how much of the women within our country and of course the men and everything. That are highly educated. In on there are so many educated women as as a matter of fact if I recall your mom was one of their first. Leaders in. Stepping out and of. For the cause and for a rally for the women’s rights and everything was not. Many many years against. Yeah ever since I was a. Young elementary school girl I remember mom being. In the front line of women’s rights movement and. For women’s rights and and some to times you know coming home with the you know protests like banners and signs are so I grew up. With this a. Very courageous brave and strong. Mom who has advocated for women’s rights for for all my life. And. In a way because of her feminism and her or. Just you know laser focus being laser focus on her and feminism and her. Decisions and work. I was a little like turned off by. Feminism it and in a sense that I thought you know it was a little too extreme for my taste. Now growing up and you know I went through different stages and I I have made full circle to now being one of the biggest feminists it and knowing that okay so just because you know I like to do my hair and wear makeup that doesn’t make me an anti feminist it’s. Being a feminist means that you believe in equal rights and and you fight for equality and. Equanimity and justice for men and women and I have some of the strongest feminist in my. Experience have been men. You know my dad was a feminist my dad was a huge feminist and fought step by. Long nights for my mom. And so to see the young men today on the street today in Iran who are feminists and crowd of it and fighting for their sisters and their mothers and the rights of. Their their girlfriends their wives the the their daughters. Is I think that’s part of the biggest piece that brings me joy and hope to see that this is not just women and the front line as my mom fought you know fifty years ago but everyone who’s joining forest and saying enough is enough. We need to have equal rights and that’s just. It it’s non negotiable you know. So and people are willing to die for this people are dying every day. For this for this mission been. So that’s a I think the new sort of taken history that. The bigger than the me too movement because now it’s become globally saying I’m standing by you I am standing with you I am walking with you. It’s not about me it’s a us. Yes yes and the. Liza I have to say I’m a little disappointed and the women’s rights organization. Were missing who are missing we’ve had like so many protests and thousands and thousands of Iranian Americans and you know some of friends from the community are joining but the women’s rights organizations the big ones. I haven’t seen any signs or any presence of you. No I have not and that’s what I was going to mention not only women’s I mean. Megan Markle showed support by wearing out the sheriff zones and diggy. Xfinity then dig it as a d. At in Farsi and that was beautiful. And that. Not in itself can be very positive or negative but the organizations women’s rights organizations organizations that are like. A women. Syrup them as. Those women even. Some leaders in our community in America that they say it in support of of women and women’s right even if they have been silent. So this silence I don’t know what it is is it political or is it because it was an Iranian and they don’t want. It is like safeguarding their name. But it’s. Regardless I think all of us who are active I’m. Involved with the American psychological association I think any organization I know you’re very involved with the bright. Many organizations so we need to push and press press press those. Envelopes and and demanded ask it to for them to. You know press release a letter. Support online. You know whatever it takes so that this becomes. us and not just a a smaller sector of you know our our community so so those are things that we can do. Because many time you know I have some women here or you know some women were by cultural say well what can we do it’s not like you know we can do anything the the women were fighting or the men were fighting on the streets they’re they’re the ones and that’s true they’re hundred percent leading this revolution buds and we can all also support by. All these many ways of. You know advocating and raising awareness and writing to these organizations and demanding their presence and and also invite them to future protests and rallies. I think that would be nice. So. In a way what we are bringing as you’re saying is awareness and yet this organization is going to turn around and safe of what’s in it for I mean. Well not what’s in it for me back but that’s in that country why here because even the media in America it took a long time for the them to come on board or even mention it talk about it. I mean they’re lean we had eighty thousand. Of. People come. Into the streets. In Berlin in UK in Europe. All over even middle least they have stood up and yet here in America which is one of the leading countries that has eighth it is a bigger voice and we’re doing it now Seattle has Canada has started long time ago and now Los Angeles stood up. So if when you know thank god for so social media because all it takes it is people influencers with big fall like you to post and repost and repost those news clips so that everyone is aware. Because news is kind of you know it’s got its cycle and sometimes it dies down but it’s just astonishing to me and by the way tomorrow is the fortieth. At she had no ma’am massa Emini. Okay and so my understanding as there’s going to be a huge. I sort of protest rally any Ron because you know as you know Chile or you know the forget is a big I. Think right. Election. Yeah so so so just to reiterate the importance the significance of organizations just being attuned. All it takes is that attunement so that we are seeing the young people we are. Soothing advocating promote voting and supporting them because that’s all they need they don’t need a foreign governments to. Do their work that the people of Iran are doing the work so all they need as support. And the least we can do. Is to have it on every new station. Every media outlet and to raise awareness at this is happening look. We need to see. That the young women and men in Iran are done are fed up they want freedom they want peace they want a better life they want a better future. And to die for it. There dying every day they’re dying every day more than of you know several hundred. Youngsters are are are you know my kids aged teenagers are. Taken to prison are beaten up are killed. Right. So that’s. I mean sharif what happened Chinese university had this happened at Stanford Harvard MIT any of these universities the whole world. Would have been. Doing something about it. And so why are we not. You know I I think those are the big questions we have to ask ourselves as the. Leaders of the free world exactly because this is about humanity now it’s not about. What country it’s not about man woman or anything. Right now this is become globally it’s about humana city and I want to bring it back to. Your. Not only you as a leader not only me as a leader or coming on social media speaking about this because I been mentioning this over and over I been sharing I’ve been standing off because of part of everything that I’m doing on the movement the power of the she that is going to be one of the books collaborative I’m starting. Is. How do I how do we show off how do we stand up paddling speak up. Together. It’s togetherness and. Your book the peace parenting essentials I think it’s so essentials the five sees then you’re talking about children how to bring up children. How to be apparent he sometimes we have to learn how to do to five sees within ourselves have your that compassion. Correct each other if it’s an inside out process at Liza and. What we know about. Sort of the science of attachment and secure attachment parenting you know raising children who experience secure attachment and have really good mental health. Is that it is as an inside out process so you’re correct to the self compassion how I honor and respect and value. The she knows so as women you know as moms we have this feminine power. Right and that’s what these young women on the streets these are connected to because this new generation is a conscious generation they know they’re aware do you know what my daughter said to me yesterday was her fifteenth birthday. We were having a conversation. Thank you we were having a conversation and she looks at me and she says mom. Sometimes you go too deep. And your to judge druggie. So this is what the new generation and she is hundred percent right. Right they see things they’re honest and are conscious and they act as mirrors. Reflecting you know this is who you are mom and so as a conscious parent. You need to org as a conscious leader. You know if we had conscious leadership. They would take a moment they would pause they would create space for these young. Women and men who are trying to say we need. More freedom. We need space. To show up and and we need up for our needs to be met and that’s what you do you know the the whole the essence of peace parenting essentials is based on conscious parenting so what do you do. In that dyadic triadic you know that that bond that relationship you you give yourself space you work from the inside out you honor yourself if you can connect to your deeper. Know no one who has good self compassion is able to hit someone else or beat someone else or kill someone else. So no one who has self compassion. Is able to hurt another human being. Because. They know what it means to love. And so if you start their of you start with that. The essence of love compassion what it means to show up for yourself. That then. In that. Headspace. There is no way that to like violence does not exist where you are cultivating kindness compassion self love self get I mean you know all this it’s an inside out prize and the number one predictor of violins is history of violence. And so all those people yeah. Yeah as it’s a cycle it’s a vicious cycle so all those people were killing and hurting they were probably kill they were hurt they. Are growing up in environments where there is a lot of violence and so. I have compassion for for the the ones who are also. I. Mean it’s hard to say because how can you have compassion for. The person you know. But at the same time I think. If if we lean into. What it means to her practice come like real compassion is to to get to the level of human suffering right to suffer with. And if you are able to. Understand and the suffering of everyone then you know your your cultivating deeper compassion but but it’s hard of Liza June it’s hard because. Of the needs of people their basic needs and their basic rights are being violated. Site you know. It’s really hard to be compassionate if your basic needs are violated. And so we gotta take care of like basic needs and you know we’re not the only Lee. Or or this regime you know the Islamic republic of Iran is not the only Islamic regime and the region. So we need to look at how these other Islamic nations including Saudi Arabia including Dubai including you know. Yeah the the middle east straight how are they treating their women are they killing the women for not wearing their a job. Are they imposing their. Fanatic extreme sort of you know belief system onto. Their people know they’re not. And so. I I don’t think this is a religious you know battle it’s not a conversation about. But anti. Islam or you know not supporting those who believe in. The religion Islam. Or Muslims. But rather and maybe honestly I’ve I’ve been thinking about this that the Muslim countries honestly are the best. Alliances and advocates do during these times. Because they can say listen like were were Muslim. You know we don’t do this like we don’t torture we don’t hits we don’t kill. We don’t commit acts of violence in fact that’s exactly the opposite of what Islam as as long as a. Religion of peace plate. So so so I I believe I. Also their silence right now is detrimental. These countries like Saudi Arabia and some of these middle eastern countries why are they being quiet like let let’s hear I mean I know some women have started you know with Turkey and other. Neighboring countries there there is an up rise but let’s see more let’s see that region like. Blast some of these a. Of anti like. You know. Do. The the acts of violence basically I can’t think of divorce rate oh well you know the. When I was. About the piece learning and you talk about peace learning and how a family. At how to parent. A better parenting system that five seized of which is the compassion communication cooperation culture and. Conservative. And copies. And. Even when I have clients when they come in here and they bring a child for panic and anxiety or tantrums or or sie diesen everything especially for of fears and phobias. Those are not normal of up a child does not retrieve or go into a fear factor or or half panic and anxiety for no good reason. And I usually say I would rather see you. For one session before I start working with the child because. It gives. It’s a domino effect of what’s happening in the family and even domestic abuse and happens in the family because a child sees it understands it it happens to them and then knowingly or unknowingly day repeat it. And this is what’s happening in. Our country right now I say our country because where. I mean we are literally and I. Am not saying it’s home this is my home but I was born in Iran as an Armenian I still have religions not only as know Armenian but as a Iranian. And American. It’s. Realizing that the injustice that it’s happening. The domestic abuse that it’s happening the abusive. Way they are treating the women who dangerous wants to have the right. A right of choice a ride of speech a ride of being who they are like when I remember from the time that I come from. Everything was so much organize the American school a block away from our house and I would look at them everybody was dressed in whatever day one and I was from and the catholic school which were we were in universe and I would always there at the the kids in the American school and go all one day I want to be just like the them trust just like them whatever day one. So it’s like. Not realizing. We grew up very free and yet suppressed and now the suppression has gone so far that that’s where the movement it’s just like this undercurrent has moved and it’s now on an up rise for the big waves that are coming. Yeah and as we say here you know the horses left the farm it’s it’s really like. You know the the toothpaste is out of the. It got there is growing going back there is no going back. And and I believe that. a huge piece of this is a sexual revolution I I believe because of and the this global you know globalization or technology and and the young generation being a exposed to such diverse cultural experiences around the globe. I think that they have reached the tipping point where they want freedom you know it’s it’s similar to what happened here in the fifties and sixties and the u s you know that sexual revolution and then we had the seventies with the hippies movement the peace movement and then the eighties with aids and you know. Sort of different. Sexual orientation. Every ten years every of the eight and there is something happening yeah so so I believe. You know we are this is not going to be like a small thing I believe. This is vast this is. Global all and it’s going to. Hopefully leads to. These young. Men and women experiencing more and equality. As they deserve you know they deserve it they deserve to be free and to have. That space to express. I know you said listen to the children. When they speak. Asked them how. Their debut has been. And how they feel. And I usually start with my clients what are your three challenges of the week and what was your three wins of the week. Before we start our sessions. If we want to sum up. Today’s talk about how we can show up stand ups pick-up for one another to support. As you and I have were we may not be seeing each other throughout like every month or. Even few times a week but. We have established a mutually respectful friendship. And we are close thirty minutes away in distance and yet. We are in contact. It’s as if I seen your posts you see my posts. What can I help. What can I do. What can we do to. Make our life the family’s here. The women here the children here and allowed this voice to carry like a rippling effect. On to those who. Really other than prayer and standing for them. What can we do. What is happening tomorrow in Los Angeles in America do you know where we can if you do. Will you do me a favor and not only share over here if there is any links by all means send me the links where we can go where we can what we can do. And then let’s right. Let’s. Move. Let’s stand up. Yes yes yes to all of that Liza and listen you you’re correct that when you have a secure connection attachment with a friend with someone like you and I have we we’ve known each other for years I trust you. Like I I have a heart to heart connection with you. And and I I. I’m proud of you you know when I read your posts or look at your work and what you’re doing. And everything that you’re doing your intent is to empower your intent. Is to help with the. Evolution you know the growth the. Families getting better and growing and ix experiencing better health and mental health and and. Opportunities and so so all the steps that you’re taking. His. I. Just. You know supportive of the women and men the young women and men in Iran who are fighting for freedom so I just wanna say that because I don’t want you to feel. That you’re not doing enough and I think. Many of my colleagues and conversations have had over the past few weeks regard reading. The women’s revolution in Iran has been around this like. First late let’s take a moment to to look at everything that we are doing. You know the. The focus on mental health even raising your family this is something I keep saying to moms. That when you decide to unplug. And not see the the the continuous you know traumatic and images and videos. When you decide to unplug your intentional about that and you show up for your children and you go and emotionally support your children and make sure that they’re okay and they’re feeling. Grounded and integrated and they have good mental health that my friend. Is as positive step moving towards peace and freedom. So celebrates those small steps along the way this is not a race a sprint this is a marathon and and so we have to and. Collectively come together I think phone calls are great I have a lot of mom friends who have decided to make to actively make a few phone calls a day and those phone calls can be anywhere from you know talking to a friend about this. Sons and the gyoza d and talking about you know a protest that they were part of sharing photos processing emotions learning what’s happening in Iran you know sharing some videos or footage from. Iran when day are able to. And. Again call sling. Media is calling organizations associations you know places who have we haven’t heard from. Frankly who have been silos to to to say listen like is there anything you can do or can I put you in touch with this person who can or maybe I. Get creative with events I notice. A few fashion shows and Vancouver or round the world you know they’re doing. And then de azar the events I noticed some concerts have chosen to raise a Harry styles you know he held up the sign of as and then the gyoza the and and so any opportunity that you can whether it’s at your school at work. You can take those small steps and know that. By seeing these Courageous women and men in Iran and what they want their needs my seeing them by echoing their voice voices and and by. Taking a step towards fighting for freedom that you’re doing a good enough job like that’s part of living a. Lot of something maybe despite. Is this post. And because there are many and. That watch my. Videos and everything my life shows that are part of different organizations and if they would like. At we can I say I will and many you in your community and everything that if they want to have us as speaker as a program. By all means I would love to go and speak and because. I among to go for my 3E event right before our event they wanted to publicize it in Palm Springs and Palm Desert and scalia the newscaster for NBC Palm Desert she invited me on that show and on that second day this this was brand new it was brand new that what happened to. My senior in Iran and we talked about it and she talked about it. So this is so. I. Promise prominent. Yeah sad tomorrow is forty days in are comfortable themes that it’s all very forty days and. Well may her soul. Be in peace and realize that. This is an awful thing to say but because of that tragedy. Of her. Maybe that’s what her life. On this earth was to bring this message and this was her calling and. Truly bless her soul may god he cradled her. In his arms and. And many others who are standing up. And. Show showing up and speaking up for this and as a woman. And. As a friend as a sister as a aunt of what ever. Thank you know legion. Thank you leave the June this was a meaningful conversation and. I just want to say to the young courageous women and men in Iran and. You know I know that your a program is an English so hopefully you know I will be doing another segment and far. Be because I do want to speak from my heart and I do when a snake directly to you guys. But I do want to share my. Sort of compassion and. Let you know that I will not sleep I will not stop until you guys are victorious and. I hope that that victory is very nearby. So keep up the good work and really I I am so proud of you young for have physician Omaha. Yes yes as. Though me the Peter z and designs and the gyoza the bush yamaha steam shower me be name. Oulu to monsieur your I’m Venus fat the in how to catch the. More him the association mall. A during the. Better to and on a zoo my failure to be corner. Mercy nearly June. Thank you so much and. All our viewers if you have any comments please do share we will put links for you and also links to get in touch with a doctor Nellie and myself and until next week god bless you and made a universal light surround you. Good bye You. Goodbye.