Your Emotional Weight – The Pressure to Tip

Welcome to Heal Talk Tuesdays with Liza.
Where transformation begins as we evoke, embrace and evolve.
Greetings, greetings, greetings, and welcome to Heal Talk Tuesdays with Liza.
It’s so good to be here with you, isn’t it?
Today we’re going to be talking about something
and I am sure you have experienced this.
I’d be surprised if you haven’t.
You know what it is?
It’s something real that so many of us
struggle with and it’s called being a people-pleaser.
Have you ever gone somewhere and maybe to
grab a cup of coffee or a salad and you turn
around the cashier terms and gives you the iPad and there it is.
18% 20% 25% only to do the cashier work, right?
They expect you to tip.
Now I know I felt this.
You may feel the same as I did.
I felt trapped as if, oh my god, what do I do?
My mind is racing and do I leave a tip?
Will I look bad if I don’t?
Will they judge me if I don’t?
And here I am.
She’s going to get something and she’s going to come and I bet you anything.
She’s going to look at that paper.
What do I do?
So you feel like you have to tap in that at least do
the middle one because the lowest one will not
work. The highest one you don’t want to pay.
So this unnecessary queasiness that happens in our stomach and our mind and guess what?
It’s as if we are obligated.
These obligation turns into the small, literal
resentment, resentment that sits in our stomach, the back of our mind.
And what do we think?
We think we need to be, it starts simmering.
And I know it’s such a small little thing to talk about and yet it is so profound.
Why?
You know my book Stand Up to Slim Down when I talk about
slimming down and dropping the ways and everything.
That’s exactly what it is.
The work that I do, the hypnosis that we do
and tapping into the subconscious is releasing
and peeling away the emotional, little simmers,
the emotional weight, the emotional resentment,
the emotional stuff that we keep.
So a month ago I was up with friends and we went to a casino.
Some of them started playing the slots and
everything and they put the money and they’re
having this jolly old good time.
And here I am.
First I’m not big on gambling.
So I felt obligated and I put $20 in there.
Within minutes it was gone.
I’m like, okay, $20.
That’s enough.
I’m like, I can’t even do a machine.
And yet I have no issues with paying three times, four times more to when we went to
the store and got the most beautiful spreader
that I will be wearing for many, many months if not years.
To me, that joy of that three minutes for someone is amazing for me.
It’s not.
So how do we balance this?
This thing, if you are nodding right now and
you’re saying, I hear you, some love gambling.
And to them, this gambling, it’s another way of getting excitement.
But to me, that excitement, it’s so miniscule.
It’s so minutes.
It’s so fast.
And it’s a machine taking it.
Versus spending it somewhere that I can feel it.
I can enjoy it.
And it feels good for me.
Everyone is different.
The reason I’m saying this is please say yes, show me an emoji, bring your hand.
Let me know what you think about it.
What makes you happy?
Do you feel obligated with tipping?
Do you feel a small level of resentment?
I go to hairdresser when I go to a mannequin or a pedicure.
I tip them.
I get them massage.
I tip very well because I believe massage therapists are something to be appreciated.
They do work.
They literally heart and soul with their hands.
Their body goes through a lot.
But a cashier who is their job and they are
getting paid for that, for me to pay another
additional tip is something that I had an issue with.
So it’s that tiny, small little frustrations,
resentments and swallowing or true feelings.
That stays lingers in our body.
We don’t feel it.
And it can be something that you want to
share with a friend and you shy away because
you don’t want to look bad.
You want to say something at a gathering and you hold your peace and you don’t share
what’s on your mind, especially in the group
because you don’t want to feel awkward.
And you come out and you say, “Gosh, I really
wanted to say something to that person.”
Or yesterday was “Mad Day.”.
Did you know that?
There is a day called “Mad Day.”.
And the intention of “Mad Day” is all for mental help,
awareness, not to be mad or screaming or anything.
But I have that flip.
Stop being mad at yourself for holding your own
peace, playing it small and not saying. What you want.
So when all this piles up, either in your mind or in your heart or in your gut, this
crazy feeling happens in here.
You might even feel nauseous.
Have this small little anxiety.
And I don’t know if you have felt it or not because
when you stop expressing, you are suppressing it.
Suppressing from things that was unfair to you, things that you choose not to do and.
You feel obligated not to feel out of the group, pure pressure.
Please let me know if you have felt this.
We talk about pure pressure for kids and
youngsters, children, teenagers, that the things
they do under pure pressure.
And we forget how often we as adults feel the same.
Have you ever felt that?
Now that is something to be mad about.
How often even as adults, we stop and not to do something not to feel awkward.
And yet it is awkward because we are dissing ourselves.
We are telling that part of us be quiet.
Don’t steer the boat.
Don’t make headwaves.
And we continue in different dialogues.
So what do we do?
What do we do?
Here is the thing.
There are simple tools to overcome this or make it easier for us.
One, pause, breathe.
Before you react, take a slow deep breath and recognize what you are feeling.
Checking with yourself. Ask yourself.
Do I genuinely want to do this or do I feel obligated?
Yeah? Or am I afraid for
am I afraid of being judged?
That’s it.
What part of us does it really feel awkward?
Is it the adult or is it that little south, the little girl,
the little boy, the inner child as we call it and therapy?
Third, that gentle honesty.
Be honest with yourself.
Practice saying I’d love to but not know.
I’d love to participate not today.
I’d love to give not today.
And you just sign and you say no.
Did you know that no is as good of an answer as a yes?
How many times have others said no thank you to you and you said oh okay.
Oh good.
And yet you have a hard time saying no.
So remember no is as good of an answer as yes.
And release your gift my God remember it’s okay.
It’s okay to disappoint someone else to honor yourself.
I remember and I still know that for the longest time I had a
resentment of someone that four years ago borrowed money from me.
Big money not small money we’re talking in
the thousands because at that time they needed
it and they said I need to borrow.
They didn’t say I need help.
So to me the verbiq because I’m all about words borrow means I will pay back.
Help me means you have a choice will you help me or not.
And I don’t know if you’ve been in that place or not.
So for the longest time I was like when are you going to start paying what you owe me?
You borrowed.
And I know they’re in a position to pay that
and then it got to a place that I said I have
to write it off and say that’s another I gave knowing I’m not going to see it.
So blessings and bye bye.
That creates this place of you being in that
position when someone is asking to borrow or is asking for your help.
We all have a capacity.
The reason I’m doing this is so you’re not holding on to guilt.
You’re not holding on to obligations feeling
judged being judged being silent suppressing.
Emotions or feeling shame and the resentment,
the anger and all that because it comes to
a point you have to give yourself permission to rise above.
So rewire reset and rise above.
You can use guided visualization.
I have an audio recording for stress no more.
I started listening to my own audio recordings to stress no more.
I did my own self-hypnosis and I said I release and God bless you have it.
You needed it.
I turned I loan you to I helped you and I released that.
So how we overcome all this is exactly this.
Acknowledge your people pleasing pattern if that is a pattern for you.
Notice where it shows up in your body.
If it is your heart tap open your heart and open your
heart to you become more kind and loving towards yourself.
If it is in your gut is this becoming bigger?
Are you not nourished or you’re holding on?
That’s where IBS starts and your gut doesn’t feel good.
You’re constantly feeling indigestion and not feeling safe.
That gut feeling of yours.
Even as I massage my it growled and I am not hungry.
So it was like oh wow.
Perhaps I spoke of truth and at this very moment my tummy also growled.
It speaks to you volumes and volumes are body always speaks to us.
You know what?
If you haven’t go listen to my interview
with Justin Sandler and that I did on Sunday
night on my real talk with these are my radio show.
You will understand how the body keeps score
and how it speaks and even his surgery and everything.
Our body is so profound it talks to us.
When you’re not expressing you have throat issues, thyroid issues, constantly seeking.
Here your body is speaking to you and that’s
the work that I do through hypnotherapy,
through my workshops, listen to your body talk.
So another way of overcoming gently allow those feelings to rise and so that you can.
Release it.
Say no.
Then replace it with new empowering beliefs.
I stand up for myself.
I choose kindness within as much as towards others.
It’s safe for me to honor myself first.
It’s safe for me to be in my body.
I honor my body.
I honor my thoughts.
I honor my decision.
I honor who I am and what I say and what I do.
No is an okay answer.
So I hope today’s segment was beneficial to you or perhaps someone you know.
If it’s so, please like, love, share, go to my YouTube channel, subscribe, subscribe to
my YouTube channel and help me share my message and continue on.
In two months it will be seven years that I have been
doing Heal-talk Tuesdays and all I have is missed a few.
Why? Because I get messages from you guys, from
all of you ladies and gentlemen, for the work that I do and you are appreciative.
So thank you.
Every message is for you.
So if you are ready to break free from the
powers that bring weight to you, add weight.
To you, create that resentment and guilt factor.
It’s no time for you to release it.
I call it, it’s time for you to Heal within.
The Emmy message me, call me.
I offer a 15 minute free consultation.
And if you want to do it yourself, go to my
website, Healwithin.com or www.lizaBoubari.com.
Go to shop.
I’ve got audio recordings.
I’ve got books.
Even my Heal-Thy Mind-Body has all kinds of
exercises you can do it on your own at home.
So I hope this was beneficial to you.
And if it was, let me know.
Until next week, God bless you and made a
universal light surround you always. Bye bye.