Maris Segal – Real Talk with Liza

Greetings Greetings Greetings and welcome to Heal Talk Tuesday’s and this is Liza.
We are live on Facebook.
[Laughter]
Well let me allow me to start from the beginning.
It is a perfect timing for October 1st, the 1 to restart the whole thing like
this. We will come to a real talk with Liza.
This is absolutely an honor for me to have Maris here with me, my guest for today.
But it gives me a permission for me to introduce
Maris literally the way she deserves to.
So Maris bear with me for just a moment. Maris
comes from this mindset to marketing. She’s spent
the last 30 plus years. She’s not, she’s not a
spring chief. Hi, this lady brings in over innovative
collaboration and voices to issues, causes and
brands. She’s worked from leaders, companies,
corporations, New York’s, the top of the list.
Working with the public and private sectors
from boardrooms to classrooms, she’s worked
for companies and corporations to non-profits.
The thing about Maris is her leadership
expertise in business relationship, marketing,
change and culture inclusion. And as a keynote
speaker, she thrives on making an impact.
I’ve known Maris and one of the things I can say is when it comes to relationship,
she talks about this R-factor. And today we’re going
to talk about the R-factor, what is the R-factor.
But more than that, Maris has been involved
with Olympic organizers, Harvard Kennedy School,
the archdiocese of Los Angeles, and served as
lead advance for the White House and celebrities
across the country. So, and that’s just a synopsis
of who my guest for today is. And with that,
I want to say, Maris is a friend. Welcome to the
stage, Maris. I’m thrilled to finally be here,
because we were just talking about this
before we came on that we met three years ago,
right? Three years ago through Secret Knock.
And we’ve been talking about, in fact,
one of the first experiences I had with you was I met you there downstairs in the lobby
through some mutual friends. And then I saw you the
next day, I think it was, or even that same day,
had out to the porch to the balcony and I said,
“Oh, what are you doing?” And you said, “Oh,
I’m doing my real talk.” I said, “What? What
are you doing?” And I thought that was so,
I was so impressed for two reasons. One, that you
were being consistent and that you were taking
time away from being at this event, that you
knew was connection and meeting people and being
poured into and just really beautiful and took
the time to really be in your discipline and
consistent action. I was really very impressed
with that. And I’m impressed with how you’ve
continued over the years because I’ve watched it
touch people and I’ve been the beneficiary of you
doing these on a weekly basis. And so thank you.
Thank you for what you’re continuing to do and
you’re in your hypnotherapy work and you’re healing
work across the board. So I really honor you
as I’ve had some time to get to know you and your work over the years. It’s amazing.
Oh, thank you. You actually healed talk Tuesdays
and real talk has been around for almost six
years. Consistent and I’ve only missed, I think
about six episodes, if not five episodes in the entire
six years. Amazing. I like consistency, but more
than that, there’s three types of people. Those
who are interested in certain things. Those who
are committed and those who are really obsessed.
And I don’t, I think I don’t go into the obsession
part, but consistency is one of my things
that I am committed to and I call it, I am quite
tenacious. We share that. And I also, I love that about you
because you’re very clear at all times the mission
you’re on. And I love that. And then you also
allow this space of organic just to allow things
to flow and kind of just be. And there was one
point, I don’t think I ever shared this with
you, but there was one point where I saw you move
through the room. It was at, you know what, I
don’t remember. I don’t remember it was there. No,
I don’t know. Not that moment. No, no, no, no, no,
not that moment. No, it was another, it might have
been a Secret Knock. I think it was somewhere we
were together. It might have been a Secret Knock.
But I watched you, we’re a little bit the same
in that we really kind of watch what’s happening
in a space. We kind of take it in. And then we kind
of just move through and I watched you do that,
which is such with such grace. And I thought, you
know what, that’s, I get to get to know that person.
So I actually must have been that first year. It
must have been when I saw that first year. I just
remember visually that experience. So anyway, I
don’t think I’ve ever shared that with you, but it
was beautiful. Well, thank you. This is talk,
a real talk. And a part of real talk is we’ve
known each other for three years. And with the
high regard that I have for you and also for your
husband, Ken, I wanted to talk about relationships
because your R factor, which is four quadrums,
is about relationships. But first and foremost,
how did the true of you meet? Because you are a
very strong woman. It’s like you are not only
strong, but have a heart-centered compassionate.
You come across compassionate and other times
like you’re like straight in, and which reminds me
sometimes of me. And so how does marriage from
who you are comes to meet this musician and merge
together? You know, merge is good. So Ken and I,
Ken and I talk about living an integrated life
versus a balanced life because you know, balance
is all about teetering. And we’re constantly in the
middle of trying to teeter. And so in our leadership
work, we just talk about, you know what, it’s not
about that. And so when you talk about merging,
it’s interesting because Ken always says this is
his line. I’m going to steal it from him. Ken always
says we did the little M before the big M. So we
merged our businesses before we actually got married.
And he, and I’m sure he’s watching right now.
So my love, that’s a nod to you. So it’s interesting.
Ken and I were both part of a global youth
leadership organization that used music and
performing arts as a vehicle for social impact.
And it’s called up with people. And up with
people worked in, I don’t even know, I was in,
I have worked in 40 countries over the years. So
my early travel, without with people as a student,
was really remarkable because we were traveling
and living with families in every city. And it
was all about the service impact and building
Bridges of connection and communication among people
from all walks of life. So I’ve been in this relational
space many, many, many years. And so Ken and I met,
he was one of the original singer, songwriters
of the organization. And we, we were not at all
connected them, but I knew who he was because he
was the person, part of the group whose work we
were actually performing on stage globally. And
so, you know, hopes and presidents have been
communities and all kinds of things. And so when
we go into these communities and perform this,
this show and really do this phenomenal community
service work, a lot of Ken’s music was on the
stage that we were bringing to life with other
people in the production. So, you know, that was
how I originally was aware of him. And his sister
and I happened to travel as part of the same
organization. She was our cast nurse. And there
were five groups that traveled globally. Fast
forward many years later, I was actually working
to launch their alumni association with about
20,000 alumni globally. And as a volunteer, I stepped
into that space. And I started to sit on up with
people’s board of directors and Ken and I reconnected
just as friends. And then we were both going
through our divorces. He, I’m a little bit after
mine, mine had already, you know, kind of happened.
And we just connected as friends. And it was
kind of one of those moments of, well, hang on,
I’m aware of you. Oh, I’m aware of you in a whole
different way. And the truth is, I resisted.
I really, I really resisted initially because
we both have the same circle of friends in that
global environment. And it was beautiful. And
I also wasn’t sure about what was possible. So,
the big question was, do I fear it? Or do I go
for it and say there’s something here and let’s
explore. And the truth is, I resisted in the
beginning and then realized, you know, what,
there were too many amazing connections between
us and this heart-centered feel that we were just
on the same page. And I thought, okay, all right,
Lord, if this is where you really want me to be,
I’m strapping in. Let’s go. And it’s been,
it’s been amazing. And, and that being said,
trust is an incredible thing when we’ve come
from a place of hurt, pain, traumas and dramas.
Right. Which is a beautiful segue because
October is one of the things not only cancer,
but it’s domestic abuse. And I know you have
worked with so many in the past prior to all this.
You were doing therapy. You were doing like you
had a one on one. What is that small business of
your own doing a lot of work? And because I’m all
about empowering women, I think when we come to
helping someone heal so they can embrace themselves
and then reclaim who they are because it’s like.
My clients who come, they say, I’m like walking
like a zombie functioning. I’m functioning. And
yet, I feel like it’s not me. So when you talk
about trust was the trust already built because of
working together and you were friends and everything,
or you had to come and trust yourself and say,
I’m in Brandy. Yeah, you know, it’s, it’s a great
question. I trusted the person Ken was because I’d
been seeing him in so many circles and sitting on
their board as I was and connected over the years.
And he was, he was this phenomenal creative heart.
I always trusted the grounding of who he was
as a person. I mean, that was easy. And to your
point, I mean, I think that then when we stepped into
this relationship and we started to explore it,
the trust was equally about myself as it was about
him. Right. And because when we moved to that other
level in a relationship and look, I’d been married
for seven years before I, we laughingly called at
my practice round and I learned a lot and I learned
a lot from that marriage. And and really in a lot
of ways, I learned how to love initially for my
first marriage. What I didn’t learn was how to be
vulnerable and let go. And the thing that really
has been the most powerful experience in my
relationship with Ken, which now really applies to
our relationship and business, which applies to the
teams that we lead in terms of, you know, in terms of
coaching and this whole message is when we learn to
trust inside, our ability to trust vulnerability.
Is much easier. Right. Because we’ve all come
to where we are from this legacy of our past.
You’ve got, you know, your, your cultural past,
I have my cultural past that layers on top of it.
And then our grandparents and our grandparents
before them. So we all come from this legacy of
our relationship with money, our relationship with
work, our relationship with faith, our relationship
with love. All of that comes before we almost ever
step into the world because it’s ingrained in a lot
of ways. And so mine was, wow, okay, I have to
be able to do it myself all the time. I get to be
because I was raised as a strong independent Leo
girl from my dad. And I have two sisters and we’re
all very strong independent women because my dad
never had any low boys. My mom was independent.
So stepping into a relationship where I could trust
needing someone in a different way and release
that. And can you just say to me in the beginning,
I’m going to be here for you and you’re going to
learn to trust that. And I thought, well, that scares
me because I don’t want to be dependent on you.
And what I really learned is it’s very mutual.
And when we can allow its mutuality, then I could
actually receive and can could receive and we could
then both give compassionately and in kindness
and in gratitude and still be our own independent
selves. And that’s been probably one of the biggest
gifts of the relationship that we have that we
also carry into our business because we’ve worked
together 24/7 as well. Okay. And how do you take me
time away? How do you carve me time for you? Because
it’s one of the biggest things that I work with
my clients and I say take some me time because
it’s always about others. It’s about family.
It’s about parents, children work. This, that,
it’s the outside. But in order for us to heal within
truly we need some me time to come to know ourselves,
which it’s like I met this couple at the tour that
we were in husband and wife. They were saying that
they have this beautiful daughter of theirs. And
she wants to go and live on her own and she wants
to wake up. She wants to wake up and get married
and I’m like, wow, you know, that’s amazing.
And I said, how old is she? And they said she’s
31 years old and I’m like, and you’re not letting
her. But that’s not in our culture. So when we talk
about culture because I know you come from culture.
And I come from culture, when do we allow women to
become independent and yet be part of the culture?
You know, I, I think the, so the independence
thing is a given because it’s where we get to be.
We get to be independent and we get to own that independence.
In that independence though, the most, the most
important pieces that we think right over the years,
I thought over the years, handle it myself, be
alone, welfare, be in service to everybody else,
which was really where my value came from. So
until your value comes from the inside out,
you can recognize it versus the outside end,
it’s really tough to actually allow that time to
allow that self care time because you just think, I was in
this constant mode of go, go, go, go, go, go, go, to next.
What I really, what I really learned is that
one of my key principles, as you know from
me, from the artifact, are is respect. Respect.
Yeah. And, and as we were doing this work, when
can I realize that these kind of relationship
rhythms were who we were together, I kind of stepped
back and said, wow, respect actually means
respecting what I need for downtime. I used to think
self care was a manicure and that that was just
bogus. And now what I recognize is that that me time
is my meditation in the morning and my gratitude
practice, the 15 minutes that I take to go
outside to put my feet on the ground and not talk
to anybody with a cell phone. You know, it’s not
this big, oh my gosh, I have to turn my life upside
down. And I think that I think sometimes women
think, well, I just need to, you know, I just, I just
have to take a vacation. Well, actually, that’s not
the case. If we learn throughout the day to give
ourselves that time, that grounding, that 15
minutes, that 30 minutes, whatever it is, and
listen to my words, allow ourselves to be in respect
with ourselves because that’s how we also build respect for others when we can.
Or back into ourselves. So yeah, so for me, that was a big one. And my mom, you know,
my mom who is this amazing, amazing rest for soul human being,
was this constant, constant work. And she come
home, she’d be on the phone at night in the
morning she’d be at, you know, on the phone before she went to the office
and she was a clinical social worker. And at one point during high school,
I was having a really tough time because we had
moved from New Jersey. I was in a private hubris
school till I was 13, and we moved to Florida
to this Bible Belt area. And I was like the only
Jewish kid in this school. And I had a really
tough time because the transition from private
school to public school, where you walk around
the corner and kids are smoking and kids are
making out. And I didn’t know from any of that.
And I was really struggling. And at one point,
I said to my mom, could you just give me an hour
when you get home at night? And I remember that
almost being the first time I heard my voice
ask for support in that way. And her immediate
response was startled. She was really shocked that
I even asked. And she just looked at me and she
said, I never knew you needed it. Because why?
Because I’d spent my years being alone. Well, if
I had two older sisters, I was on my, you know,
it was an interesting recognition. And what
I’ve learned over the years is that that space
to create connection here, to create and to ask
for support, to seek it and be open to receiving
it is almost the greatest caregiving gift self
that we can do for ourselves. Right? And even if
that’s saying to somebody, Hey, you know what? Okay,
if I come in 30 minutes late today, or how you guys
going to be on your own, whatever that looks like.
And yes, if it’s a manicure massage, whatever it is,
but I think it comes in other ways. And it comes
with having coffee with someone to me. This is time
I’m taking out of my schedule. This is fulfilling
for me. This is absolutely pouring in because
I get to it’s cool, right? And it’s beautiful. And
we’re having this time. So it’s like being on the
phone with you and having a visit. I know actually
one of the things that you just mentioned,
the ask is for our audience, Marissa and I are also
in a private group, which I call it like a master
mind every two weeks. We come together. And it’s
a group of women that we come together to support
one another, hold space for one another. And the
beautiful part of it is we say, what do you need?
How can we support you? Because it’s like supporting
one another, it doesn’t mean that I have to do
anything huge, but supporting can be five minutes,
or it can be once we get off, I need to get on a
phone with you for something different, or it
is something that within five minutes, everybody
pours in their love or their knowledge and that
person feels fulfilled, heard and supported. And I
think that is one of the things that women, it’s
not coffee time, it’s not going anywhere. It can be
once a week, it can be once a month. So that’s
beautiful. And your second arm is responsibility.
Which I highly regard because I think when we take ownership and responsibility for
not only our past, but our present, we do something
wrong, take ownership of it, take responsibility
because it’s so easy to be a victim to so many
things, because the world does not stop. It’s how
we are impacted by what we take responsibility towards what’s happening.
For sure. How does responsibility go into which
is the next one, reframing it? How do we reframe
our mindset? Well, I think first, you know,
responsibility is my mom used to say it’s not always
what you say, it’s how you say it. And one of the
things that responsibility is about communication,
is about clear communication, right? So when
we’re standing in responsibility and we are being
responsible, right, not doing a response, but we
are being responsible. So this is about embodying
what this is. And it doesn’t mean, you know,
I have the separation between empathy and
compassion. It doesn’t mean that we’re wearing
everybody’s what they’re going through with empathy.
It means we’re creating an empowered space for
people to be succeeding, for people to be able to
problem-solve in those types of things. So we’re
in a compassionate space. So when we look at
responsibility, we say, you know what, it’s
about clear communication. And it’s about aligned
expectations. So in a personal relationship or in
our business, if you’re dealing with an issue at
work, the likelihood is that at the center of
any challenge and accomplishment are people,
right? People power business, people power personal
lives, people power philanthropy. It’s about people.
So the fact is when people feel connected and we’ve created an experience where they
have feel good about us, and that’s our responsibility,
then they want to work with us, they want to be
connected with us, they want to be in a relationship
with us, you know, as well. So the
responsibility comes down to first, how am I being
responsible to myself? Right? How am I communicating?
What am I saying to myself? What message is am I
sending myself? Right? Because we can’t take our
words back. And part of being in response, right,
Don Ruiz Miguel, thank you for agreements, right?
Be impeccable with your word. And so expectations
without agreement create premeditated
resentment every time. And in communication,
we’ll work with our expectations.
So expectations without agreement without
an agreement create premeditated resentment,
premeditated resentment. Here’s what it’s hated.
That means I’ve already thought about this.
Yes, but I didn’t realize it. Yes. And because
because we’re making assumptions stepping into a
communication, we’re making an assumption. I’m
making an assumption that you’re listening. So
that’s a safe assumption. That’s one. Two is if
I say to you, Liza, how come we didn’t have the, I
don’t know, how come we didn’t have, you know,
the party that we were, you know, that was on our
calendar that we were supposed to have. And we all never worked at the details. Right.
Well, that was a big expectation on my part
without actually having a solid communication with
someone about who’s planning it, how are we
organizing it and how are we just seeing them staying?
So the whole idea of clear communication and expectation
is that when we set up a planning conversation,
when we are clear in our communication, husband and
wives, the assumption of you’re doing the dishes,
you’re taking up the trash, you’re picking up the
kids. We are running teams all the time at home and
it worked. Right. Right. And we’re all getting
our minds. Don’t you see the trash is full.
Exactly. And now apply that to business.
You’re sitting in a meeting and someone says,
okay, well, I knew I knew we had a weekly
meeting and so and so always does the agenda
and there’s no agenda for the meeting. Well,
that was an interesting assumption. So and so
is not actually in the office. So nobody actually
paid attention to the fact that we get to have
an agenda. So there was just a big assumption
that somebody else would handle it. So, you know,
the notion of clear communication changes
everything because clear communication, right,
builds trust, builds respect, builds clarity
in all of our relationships at work or at home,
whatever it is. So that responsibility piece
is interesting. The other piece I think to
responsibility is also accountability. Right. It’s
the accountability piece and you set it before,
you know, taking responsibility. So it’s interesting being in a responsible state.
And I’m just going to go here for a second. Sometimes when we’re in responsibility,
it can be either weighted or wings. So we talk
about the weight or the wings of responsibility.
Here’s an example. If someone has left you with a pile of trash,
someone’s left you with a pile of trash in the house, the parties over and all that
trash is in your house. You’re probably not
feeling the wings of responsibility with that
when you’re feeling the weight of it. God, I
gotta get this done. My parents are coming home
in two hours. The kids are going to be home.
Everybody’s going to be here. I need to get the
house cleaned. That feels like weight. Now, if
you’re standing in responsibility and you’re going
to be in someone’s wedding and you’re supporting
them through their wedding, that’s wings. Because
now I’m in this space of sharing and flow and
love with someone that’s creating the wings of
responsibility. And so I get to be sort of under
it, soaring and lifting someone up. My general
feeling is that we can always be in the wings
of responsibility. If we feel the weight of it,
it’s because either one, we haven’t aligned with
our expectations, with ourselves or someone else.
Or we’re fearing what responsibility we have. So
let’s say I’m going to speak at a big meeting.
Yeah, this is becoming an educational thing. No,
I’m just saying that’s where my heart is. That’s my
I understand what I’m saying in a relationship.
Not everyone is going to stand and say, okay, what is your responsibility? What is
mine? Because it’s going to be a little bit of a
given and then and then we usually start
communicating when things go wrong instead of from the
beginning of writing. That’s where those
expectations come in. And you actually just said it
just said it correctly. So it’s interesting. Part of
that, part of that. And the reason this has come up
for me so much over the years is because
when you’re leading in a family, it’s joyful.
And sometimes it’s weighted with responsibility.
You have a sick family member. You have something
else going on. Oh my gosh, the bills have to get
paid. Oh my gosh, we’re going to have an F.M.
might have put the kids through school. That
feels weighty, right? That’s really weighty.
And it also has wings because it’s got joy
with it. So it’s interesting. It’s been a big
navigation for me over the years because when we
are in relationship with someone at home and your
point is right, it’s not. Look, how many people
talk about the bank account before they get married?
Everybody says, oh my gosh, Susie Orman always
says, oh my gosh, you got upset for bank accounts.
Okay. But that wasn’t something that was a big
thing for us. So the responsibility piece is interesting
and can fall into a couple of different buckets.
So where we, if we, because nowadays it’s all
about empowering, empowering, that’s the biggest
thing that it’s happening, self care empowerment
and women who have stepped up in their lives and
men who are saying there’s, I mean, the
workforces a lot of women. And that’s because we
are noticing it or is it being seen more or is it
because we have given ourselves more permission
and literally women are more educated nowadays
in all phases. I mean, doctors, attorneys,
architects, engineers in all phases. So it’s
not only being the feminine, take care of.
Be a teacher or anything, not that I’m disregarding
it. But when we look at it in the workforce that
you and can go and help in the corporate world, talking
about responsibility, they still look to the team
members. Because it’s still a team. Corporation
is a team. There is different levels of hierarchy.
And I think the same levels of hierarchy are
in the house, which is the father, the mother,
and then the children, and then the great grandparents
or the aunts and everything. So there is a
hierarchy in all kinds of relationships. When we
think about it, you talked about your mom being
a social worker and she was busy working and
taking care of those that she needed to tend to
at work. Who was the influence in your life? Because
today, kids are being influenced by celebrities
and everything. It’s not tangible books. It’s
become this. So how do we take someone and say,
in reality, this is like, this is like the book you were talking about, you said,
have you read a touch of madness? And I said, I’m
reading four books. You were surprised that I even
have a library card and I go to the library. What
do we talk about influence? What is influencing
people nowadays? I think the reality of what is
influencing is equal to the question of who is
influencing. And so I think that I think that the
media, so this is interesting. Many years ago,
I was involved doing some work with Harvard and
US news. And we did a study. This is interesting.
We did a study. And we asked people to actually talk
about how they feel about leadership in a number
of different areas. And the two areas that people
said they did not trust the leadership was the media
and politics. Wow. This was a huge study. This
was a landmark study. And I bring this forward
because who do people who are people influenced
by the media and politicians? And yet, we don’t
trust them. As a general population, there’s distrust
there yet. It’s also where people are absorbing
their most information. And so that creates a
challenge and that also creates an opportunity that
says, okay, we know that all of us, I mean, all
of us are getting information from television,
my phone, my grandchildren, my… I mean, from
everybody, we’re all being influenced by that.
In the end, I think what’s so important is that inside
the circle that we keep close to us is a trusted
circle. And so if it’s apparent and a friend, so
I talk about our life that, can’t I have these
two circles in our lives? One is a trust circle
and one is a skill circle. And the trust circle,
like you would be in the trust circle. You know,
you would be in the trust circle are people who
are close to us, who we feel a connection
that we know we could pick up a phone and say,
Yeah, I’m seeking support on something. The skill
circle are people who also have the skills to move
our business and our vision forward. And
sometimes our trust people are in the same bucket.
But that trust circle is very important. And the
first place that that trust is that we work to
learn to trust ourselves, but to have a close
circle, a community, a connection. It could be two
people. But it’s very important, no matter what AI
is going to happen, has been happening for years,
and here’s the reality. This one to one, the
importance of the human connections not going away.
In fact, it’s going to be more important than ever.
No, it’s going to be more important than ever.
So when you say, how are we being influenced, who
is influencing us? What I really say to this is,
don’t ever stop making phone calls. Be sure you’re
meeting with people one on one. Be sure this
connection is happening because the phone connection is important for communication.
Not as much for social media. That’s entertainment
and that’s visibility and marketing. Okay,
got it. But that is not how I live my life.
Right? So to really get grounded back into, okay,
what turns my crank? Who turns my crank? What is
the experience? And as long as we continue to have
experiences and we are influenced by the people
in our lives. And yes, books, I think it’s
really important to continue reading. And yeah,
I’ve got to stack a book, you know, books on my,
on my, um, timetable. And I’ve got this mix of
the Dalai Lama and Mother Teresa, right, to the
Pope, to, you know, having only those who also,
instead of speak, to Dennis Waitley’s the new
psychology of winning, to our friend Larry
Casnoff’s a touch of madness, to our book, the art
actor, to, you know, you name it. And in the end,
it’s also about feeding ourselves with other people.
It’s the energy of humanity, the people energy and the people power that are
connected that will continue to be our
grounding. Amen to that because no matter what,
you know, I was watching a movie called Long Story Short.
On the right. I highly recommend that it’s a fluff movie.
But when you read, when you watch it, I was
crying on the plane because it touched my heart.
I love it. It was, there is parts of it that
you look at it and you go, uh, okay, okay, okay,
and then it’s like deja view because of a connection
of human. It’s how we relate to someone and it
was taking to the future and showing what’s
happening in the future. But this person waking up,
it’s like, I don’t want to get there. This is
what I want. This is what I want is right here,
right now. How can I share my love and be present?
And that’s one of the things because everything,
we are so busy being busy. We forget about here.
That it’s one of my talks that I, when I went to
Dubai was, uh, although there is AI, how do we
incorporate the EI, which is emotional intelligence,
what is happening in reality. And that’s exactly what you said.
Piguet. Yeah, I love, I love that you brought
that up and because building on that, we are
focused is actually our eye relational intelligence.
So here, I mean, right? So here, here’s the
bottom line. How we relate and this is never going
to change. Let’s think about this. How we relate.
Ultimately impacts what we create in our personal
lives and our professional lives. Okay. Let’s
say that again, ladies. How, how we relate, how
we relate directly impacts what we create in our
personal lives and our professional lives
because we are continuously relating 24 seven,
continuously relating and in our dream state with
ourselves, right? So 24 seven, we’re continuously
relating. And as we relate, we’re creating this
connection that is building trust or tearing down trust.
Yeah, pretty simple. Right? It’s, it’s a very
simple formula actually. We’re specked first is what
establishes the grounding of a connection, right?
First that you respect the person you’re speaking to
or respect their position, maybe you’re reframing
a political or other type of perspective. That
depends whatever that looks like. But, you know, it
starts with a need, right? It starts with, we want
something. I want to, I want a car. I want a
relationship. I want a new job. I want to get my
door fixed. No matter what it is, there’s still
going to be a human connection because we’re attached
to a need. So we’re either solving a problem or
meeting a need. And every time we create a connection
with someone, that gets banked. That’s currency.
And that, that builds trust and that currency,
ultimately, that’s why Ken and I have such an
incredible relationship is because at the grounding,
it starts with respect then with respect we build
trust and we bank the currency of trust so that
when things are crazy and hairy and messy, we
still know we’re going to be okay because we trust
that we know what the grounding is. And that’s
exactly how all personal relationships and business
relationships work. That’s beautiful because I remember
long, long time ago. I was taught the difference
between loving and liking, especially when it
comes to family and relationship. I will love you,
but it’s not necessarily like the things you say
or do. And that’s okay because my love for you
does not change. Yeah. Yeah. And that’s a
core base, realizing that when a relationship,
you this can change, but this, the base, the
foundation, what that is, it’s like a house or a home,
a house is just a structure. The what’s inside
of the house is the home which is built,
which is the heart. Right. Right. That’s that, right.
That’s the heart. And I love, I love how you’re
saying that. And you said something before that is
very important to bring forward. And that is that
we, we spend our lives in a doing state. We
haven’t always been taught to be kind to ourselves
some respect ourselves. Very often we’re taught to
be kind to others and respect others. Right. And so,
and so when we’re in that doing state for everybody
else, we tend to not work here first. And that’s
what happens is people are going to respond to
us however we’re showing up. That’s why we quench
even the body language and everything comes. Yeah.
And so, and so to build the build the confidence
in, you know, young girls, we have three
remarkable, incredible granddaughters. And they are
independent. They are heart centered. They are,
you know, athletic. And why do you think they’re
like that? Where do you think that comes from?
That comes from amazing parents. That comes from
parents who have really been incredible grounding
for these young girls. And, and to me, that is
also the wings of responsibility that can I get
to be in their lives and touch them and work with
them on their leadership qualities as kids. And this
is all the same stuff we bring to our leadership
work, whether it’s in corporations or with families
or whatever. I hate to cut in, in the middle
of what you’re saying, but how many families really
do have those parents that sit and do all that.
Yeah. It’s just like if we if I think about my parents or her parents, it’s just now,
maybe now we have more people attuned to self-awareness
and care and do that. I don’t think that’s how
generations before were. And they were so busy
functioning and making a living that a therapy was
not. I mean, it was not even a good thing.
Therapy was a bad thing. It was like for good
resources. Are you crazy? You don’t need therapy.
The family will take care of this. So when you
talk about leadership, this is a whole new generation
we’re talking about. And that’s beautiful to see,
but you know, let’s not blame our in the past,
but how we move forward is to educate how to have
better families and right. You know, so, okay,
so can we spend a minute there? Because I really,
it’s interesting. There’s what’s coming up
from years you’re talking about that is that.
When when we look at families and families show
up in many different ways, and I’m not just
saying a traditional mother of father. I’m not
saying a traditional environment. Look, I have
friends who lived in a house with six generations
for years. You know, I mean, six generations,
right? So they had their great grandfather, great,
great, great, like he was 104. I mean, so I’m like,
what the heck? And they had great grandchildren in
the house. And it was, and so, you know, you look
at that environment. And somebody might say, oh my
gosh, was that even functional. And the fact is,
it was, it was pretty remarkable, right? And so I
actually was five generations. So pretty remarkable,
the point being to that that we all come from
wherever we come from. And it’s not bringing judgment
forward. It’s bringing the gifts of the legacy
of that forward and recognizing it, right? So
here’s the thing, I have a lot of legacy in my
past. My great, great, great, make me grandmother
was with her brother started Amazza factory,
Amazza company, kosher products, Jewish products.
Now, and so can you imagine how many women were even doing that in that era?
Right? So I look at the entrepreneurship and the
leadership and the heart centered commitment to
community. And I am quite certain that that has
really been innate in my family for generations.
And it really, and so that is something that has been
carried forward. I always remember my grandfather,
my grandmother, us. I mean, I think I went to
my first rally at 14. So, you know, I think the,
so for me, the activism and the connection and
the relationship gene was very much part of my
legacy. So that was family. That being said,
yes, mothers and fathers were busy in a way from
my dad was gone a lot. But he was also home
and gave up golf so that his family could have,
you know, a boat and be water skiing on the
weekends because he wanted to be with family on
the weekends. So I think, I think my perspective on
that is not judgment. It’s really the curiosity
of how we’ve come to where we are and how we shift
in shifting times. Relationships get to evolve,
right? Relationships with family relationships
at work, our relationship has evolved, you know.
And so I think the evolution is really critical
because if we’re not shifting and let’s be clear,
part of why families, governments, businesses
are in the shape they’re in is because they’ve
resisted change. And change is happening no
matter what. So how we respond or react to change,
ultimately impacts all of our relationships. If
we’re in reaction to change and we’re afraid of it,
then we’re not in it relating to it and planning it. If we’re responding to change,
it’s if we’re responding to it, then we’re actually
in a more open relationship with change and
we can maneuver differently in our families versus
being in resistance, move differently in our work.
So I think I hear what you’re saying about, you know, past, I think families have,
it’s remarkable how families have operated.
And I look now, I look now, my daughter-in-law,
my and my son-in-law, and they’re busy as hell.
I mean, it’s just we barely talk to them because
they’re so busy, but we are able to keep up with
them. It’s a whole new world. I may not be talking
to them all the time, but I know what they’re up to
because I’m watching social. And because at least
I know I can keep up there. So that when we do have
the one on one time together, it’s beautiful.
And it’s grounded and we’re hungry for it. And
I think that’s the human connection. And for
people who don’t have that kind of relationship
with their immediate family, choose extended family.
Right? That’s true. That it does like family.
Remember, my mother’s saying sometimes that.
Good neighbors can be great family members.
Absolutely. Absolutely. So I think that the,
you know, the structure is almost gone of what
the tradition might have been before. And,
you know, we even look, we had 17 people at a
Passover, Seder, or for the high holidays, for,
you know, we’d have 18 people at my grandmother’s
house. And while some of that may not be happening
in the same way, community has shifted, but the
experience of it is equally important. And people
are equally as hungry for that. And I think part
of what we get to do as humanity is to recognize
that we’re all connected as humans first. And
the bottom line begins with relationships,
not with hard skills. It’s starts with the
people first. And that’s where we get to be in
everything we’re doing. Amen to that. So, enclosing, if I were to say,
what is next for Maris? What inspires you?
What are you looking to leave as your legacy?
Let me reframe them. Well done.
Oh, Gold Star.
What is next for Maris? Just simple. Forget about
legacy. Forget about the future. What is next
for Maris? For Maris, not the business, not Ken and I, just you.
So, Liza, you know what? I don’t see them as
separate. All of that is me. All of that in living
and living an integrated life. That is all me.
And I think that I think the challenge for me over
the years is that I did create this big gap and
this big separation. I don’t do that anymore.
Because the work that we do, what we get to
bring to people, this evolution of relationships
and business and in personal lives, it’s one big life.
We have one life to live, one body and one planet.
And to live in an integrated space. So, when you
say what’s next, what’s next is global travel and
being able to touch lives in every single touch we
make because that’s who I get to be in the world.
Making it more impact. With Ken without Ken, to
be really be able to know that what we’re bringing
is not about us. It’s about ultimately elevating
and evolving humanity. Because if we don’t,
and if we aren’t committed to that, and if we don’t
share that in community the way you’re doing it,
the way the way our amazing secret not community
and other families are habit to warrior
community, all these other places, if we aren’t
continuing to surround ourselves and to create
this ripple effect, then in 10, 15, 20 years,
what we’re leaving behind is barely going to be.
Recognizable, right? So the legacy is about
living it and touching it while we’re alive.
Yeah. I read something just a few days ago, the
difference between leaving and inheritance and
leaving and legacy. And I thought it was so
beautiful because inheritance is here’s the money,
you can do whatever you want. Legacy is there’s
a meaning to it. I put my heart and soul into it
now carry it forward. Exactly right. And that
comes from a place of heart. Look, you know,
we, the choices we make today all day determine
our future. It’s very simple. And when we put
people first because people are the power behind
everything that we do, that’s actually what’s
going to shift the planet is humanity first and
kindness and connection and gratitude. That’s what’s
going to shift the planet. And that’s pretty much
what’s next for me is I’m in it. I’m in it. And that’s
I’m committed to that. They don’t. I know you
are. And that’s one of the reasons we’re friends.
So on that note, this has gone beyond a half an
hour. But I love it so much. I think we can probably
speak for another half an hour to an hour and continue
building upon this. Maybe we can do it another
time. And continue on pick it up from here on. But
I thank you for taking the time carving this time
to be with me. Yes, it’s been coming and I’m glad it
is here today because it’s the beginning of Autumn.
It’s my favorite season and I love the whole thing
about our relationship and what you have created.
Together. And on that note, on that musical note, I
want to say thank you to both of you and especially
you for being a friend. My honor to all our viewers,
if you liked the episode by all means, would you
go to YouTube because it will be YouTube. We will
put the link, share it, subscribe so that I can
bring more guests that are impactful and loving and
caring and compassionate as Maris. And thank you.
For being a good morning, Maris and I will be seeing
you soon. My honor and happy thankful Tuesday. Yes,
thankful Tuesday. And until next week, I say goodbye.
Thank you. God bless you and may the
universal light surround you always. Bye bye.