Self-Love vs Self-Esteem

Welcome to Heal Talk Tuesday with Liza, where
transformation begins as we evoke, embrace, and evolve.
Greetings, greetings, greetings, and welcome to Heal Talk
Tuesday. This is Liza. It’s so good to be here with you, isn’t it?
Well, welcome to the Heal Talk Tuesday. As you know,
Heal Talk Tuesday is coming to you each and every week
and 12 noon, and bringing you thoughts, information,
inspiration, motivational, and healthy, healthy tips.
So, today, I wanted to talk about something that has come
up twice in the last week. And, you know, I got an email,
by the way, I want to say, if I get too cough, please, my
apologies, because I’m recovering from a very bad cold.
I don’t know if you got it or not. Seems like
everyone in the world has had this cough, this flu,
some call it, COVID, it’s cousin, and it can be
just about anything. But I believe it’s the season.
It’s changed. And when something outside is changing from hot
to cold, there is this change, and the poem, the weather, the
trees do wind, and the wind brings everything. So, it’s just
about anything, and it’s part of life, and we go along with it.
As you know, I don’t take medicine, so everything
I do is natural. There’s the honey, and the
ginger, and turmeric, everything. So, that’s
one of the healthy ways I cope with everything.
And I think by doing brisk walks and everything, I also come
to strengthen my immune system, and I do those shots, the
turmeric shots. It’s good for my immune system, I get it
at Costco, and I drink one of those shots every single day.
So, that’s the tip for how to deal with cold. But, today’s message is a
bit more on that. And we want to talk about self-love, self-acceptance,
and self-esteem. And that’s the reason I wanted to do this because I got
an email, and I want to read the email to you. It is by someone who says,
Dear Liza, thank you for your weekly Heal Talks. In one episode, you spoke of
self-care and self-love. I understand self-care. Bailey needs and everything, but
self-love, I do not know how to. What is self-love? How can I love myself more when
all my life I have been told I will amount to nothing, that I am not as pretty or so.
I have self-confidence issues,
and nothing I do works. Please help
me. I will tune in next week in
hopes you have an answer for me.
Well, Jack, I want to say thank you very much for your message that you’ve
sent, and let me shed a light. First of all, how are self-love and self-esteem
different? We look for love everywhere, but most of us don’t know how to
love ourselves. And we can receive as much love as we give to ourselves.
What is it that I say if you don’t love yourself, how can somebody else
love you? But here’s the thing. When you have this desire, many are good in
having compassion and love for others, but forget to give that to themselves.
So, love is one step beyond what is involved in compassion and love.
So, there are few stages. I am going to go and touch upon some of the
stages. One is there is a saying boost
your confidence and build self-esteem.
So, when we say boost your confidence, that means you are someone who
believes you already have confidence. Now you have to boost it, make
it bigger, bolder, but building self-esteem is like in a way it’s
suggested, you don’t have it. Now you have to learn how to build it.
And I believe that is where we start because you have to have self-esteem
for any change in life, for anything that you want to improve in your
life, to believe that you are worthy of it, to believe and have faith in
yourself to know that yes, I can succeed. I can be as good as my sister.
Maybe not intuitive, but in something else. So, let’s talk about
this. Self-esteem, most people seek approval from the outside.
So, perhaps you were seeking validation and approval
from your parents and looking for the validation
and the words, the kinder words or something. And
I am so sorry that they didn’t give it to you.
But it seems like you forgot to give it to yourself or maybe you
didn’t learn how to give it to yourself. Which I understand because
our subconscious mind stores information and that information is the
information that gets to be played over and over and over and over.
And if that is the messaging that you believed, that’s the
key word that you believed it was that she is better than you.
And the messaging that she’s prettier than you and
you started walking in her shadow, right, is not
necessarily that she felt the same. If just she got
approval and validation from others for being that.
And she was a good interior reading. Yes, she was
the prom queen. But that was high school. What’s
happened and you’re not shitting that light in what
has happened since then being an adult that you are.
So, where are you working? How successful are you? And if you believe
you’re not successful, what is the success that you want? What?
How can you measure success in your life? Is it being married? Is it
having a bigger house? Is it having more money? How can you measure?
And that is my question to you, which I believe if you have a session
or two with me, we can build on that confidence of yours. So, here’s
basically what I when building the self listing is that you stop
playing. Number one, you blame yourself and you blame your parents.
Or stop that blame of what they used to tell her versus you. So,
once we start that finger pointing and blame, that means we point the
finger at us and that resentment, the grudge, the blame that you
have inside you, even if you love your sister, that negative feeling?
Still remains inside. I want to digress for a moment
and just say, I had a client a few months ago who
came and came for something that had she had kept
a secret in her family’s life for the longest time.
In her opinion, it was a big secret and yet it was
very insignificant once she shared it and I helped her
feel confident enough and put the resentment and
everything away and just shared with her son and daughter.
Once she did that, in all the years that she wanted
to lose weight and she came, she has come to me for
weight loss because I work with the mental and the
emotional part that we hold on to and that is quite heavy.
Negative feelings that we store, we suppress,
we hold on to without realizing consciously
the subconscious mind is holding that information and that was a heavy burden.
Now, when it’s a heavy burden, it sits in your body. So, I don’t
know what your weight is, but if there are grudges, blames,
things towards your family, towards your sister, I want you
to take an account and start writing, expressing and sharing.
So, your first step was even sending that email to me and I want to say
kudos to you for doing that. Now, let’s go back to what is self-acceptance.
So far we did the self-esteem. Now, we come to
self-acceptance because my three-e method is we evoke
what was right. It’s like turn the leaf to see what’s
under the leaf, under the rock that is so heavy.
In order for us to come to embracing, which is self-acceptance,
accepting yourself for who you are just as you are. With all
your flaws, with all the negatives, with all the strengths, with
all your beauty, inner beauty, whatever it is that you have.
It’s despite your failures and limitations. That’s it. Here’s my
suggestion for you. What if just for one minute, if you were to close
your eyes and go back in time, perhaps high school time, when your
sister was out shining you and everything else that was happening?
And I don’t know how much younger you are. And maybe you didn’t
like cheerleaders and you had this idea about who cheerleaders
are. Okay? That they’re constantly happy. They’re like the
center of attention and now you’re not the center of attention.
And if you were to close your eyes and go to you in high
school. And if you were to sit next to her and let her know how
wonderful she is, how bright she is, how smart she is, how valuable
she is, and how much her sister was in the middle of the day.
And if you want her sister loves her despite being a
cheerleader or prom queen, that when she looks at you,
either at home, when you’re playing, when you were
younger, there was no competition. It was just two sisters.
You can just look at yourself at that
age and say, she’s got qualities that
her sister and Liza, that she looks
up to you, even if you are younger.
That you have qualities no one
else has seen, but you know it. And if
you can share those qualities and
remind that younger girl who she is.
Just for a moment.
And if you can become more self
forgiving and let go of self judgment,
that’s the first step in accepting
who you are just as you are today.
And instead of comparing yourself to others, either in
positive ways or negative ways, come to appreciate who you are.
That’s what self acceptance is.
Now, when it comes to self love, it might be difficult
to come from zero to one hundred to self love.
But self love and self esteem differ in this, that it’s like self esteem
is an evaluation you’re looking to judge, analyze, and criticize, right?
And self acceptance is just an attitude. It’s like love
combined. It’s like feeling an action combined with one another.
Anything we want to change in life to become
better, to become healthier, to be lose
the weight or change a habit or a behavior,
you must start with self like something.
So self like substance, then come to build yourself
steam to know that you are worthy of the change.
You are worthy of the success. You are worthy to
be number one. You are worthy as much as much.
Not more, not less, because who you are is so unique, so
beautiful, that you forgot to mention that to yourself.
Now, self love and self love is
healthy. It is not selfish, it is not
self indulgent, it’s not a egotistic, it’s saying, I do love myself.
If no one else loves me, just like the beautiful
song that Miley Cyrus did, about flowers.
And after her breakup, she did this beautiful
song when I hear that song, I blast it.
And the same happened last week, I had those beautiful
tulips, right? So my client walks in, he, not she.
And in the afternoon he says beautiful flowers who
got it for you, I said, I get flowers for myself.
I treat myself to flowers, and there was a time that I
used to do it every week. And now I do it every other week,
because I love having flowers surrounding myself. If
you see my posts and everything, I’m very much grounded.
I’m very proud of myself with the beautiful things
that I like to surround myself. That’s self love,
that’s self care, that’s self acceptance, that’s
self nurturing, and no one has to buy it for me.
And the same as the song, I can buy myself flowers, and I can take
myself dancing, and I can tell myself to the beach, I can do all that.
Of course, it would be amazing to go with
someone that I shared with, that I love, that
I care, that I can hold hands and lean on,
and share the beauty with another person.
But you can take care of yourself, and that’s
where the independence comes. So most people think
to little of themselves, and not too much, and
because they’ve been told, stop being so selfish.
And being selfish is okay, not self-centered. That
means everybody has to do everything for me, no, that’s
not what I am saying. But self-fish means I do care
about myself, my surrounding, and I know what I want.
So that is what building, is building self esteem,
and self love, and self care. So they say love, love,
dye, and neighbor as much as you love yourself. So
some love, others, more than they love themselves.
Here’s what I will say, recognize what you’re good at, we’re all good at
something. And whether it’s cooking, singing, working, excelling in whatever it
is that you do, not everyone is meant to be a doctor, not everybody is meant
to be a nurse, an attorney, CPA, a housewife, a mother, I am another mother.
But I have surrounded myself with lots of kids, and I do a lot of service
organizations and things that I do with children. So I’m good with that.
And build that relationships first with yourself, that younger version of
yourself, and then with your friends. I
did a post just yesterday, that Facebook
reminded me of a picture, and then I put two pictures that I
have two best friends. One, I’ve known her since first grade,
and the other from the beginning of high school, and we’re
still friends, and we still talk, and we still get together.
So any relationship, it’s easy to make friends,
but to keep a friendship or a relationship
going is something that you nurture, and nurturing
starts with you. So, be kind to yourself.
It’s the key before you love yourself. Learn how
to be kind. And it’s okay to be assertive and know
what you want, what flowers you like, what colors
you like. I love scarves. Scarves are my signature.
My necklace is my signature. My scarf is my
signature. And start saying no. Stop being a yes
person, yes to everything, just because it’s
their opinion, it doesn’t mean it’s good for you.
Again, just because they say it’s good for you
does not mean it is good for you. You have your own
opinion of what is right, what is wrong. And give
yourself permission to be perfectly imperfect.
That’s it. You are a prom queen, maybe not back high
school, but you can go dance anywhere and be the
queen. You can dance in your room and be your own
queen. And if you have children, and dance with them.
So, those are my suggestions. Self-esteem,
self-acceptance, self-kindness brings self love. And I hope
today’s message was beneficial to you. Again, thank
you and everyone who watches. Please subscribe, like.
And if you have anything you would like me to speak about, share, bring, force
and interview people that you might find interesting by all means, let me know.
My name is Liza Boubari. I’m your expert hypnotherapist
and I look forward to seeing you
next week. Until then, God bless you and may the
universal light surround you always. Bye bye.